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Better late than never, they say about a lot of things worthwhile doing. In the case of this third installment, this is not really true. Just like the other threequels: Matrix, Spiderman, Shrek, Ocean’s … third parts are to movies what … you know what I mean… Actually, I really enjoyed part 1 first time around (at second watching not so much anymore, which is already a bad sign maybe), and I already found watching the 2nd part an effort almost to arduous to bear, the script being all over the place, bits and pieces scattered over the plot without any hint of where they belong. Could have been a challenging jigsaw puzzle, but what it really was was a mess, a pile of donkeycrap. My own fault that I got to see the third part, which took up the pieces of part 2 and did the only thing you can do with that kind of material: mess around. You cannot polish shit, as they say. What you can do is rename it from pirate bride horseshit to pirate queen horseshit. Which is what they did.

Honestly, this trilogy has everything you need to create something fantastic, a cinematic experience of epic proportions. Money, screen time, two or three actors that are fun to watch under normal circumstances (no: I do not mean Orloondo Blunt and Ikea Knightley © BBC5 ©, most certainly I do not!) and Pirates for Christ’s sake, who can make a terrible movie about Pirates??!!?? Roman Polanski and Gore Verbinski – now you start wondering whether there has been a pirate issue in Poland’s past that creates this strange ineptness about this certain topic?

The only honorary mention for living up to his salary is for the production designer, the film looks beautiful mostly. But even the cgi is too crappy to believe at times, not to speak of script, acting, director – hell, most Albanian arthouse movies have a more professionally compiled script than this thing. And what comes out of very unprofessionally done scripts in very expensive action and adventure movies: a very very boring 5 hours of nothingness. And I even write more than 10 minutes about it, which adds to the waste of life imposed by this ghastly creature on its victims. Enough of it. Listen to Kermode rant, that at least is entertaining: 

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