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Some robots come from Saturn to Earth because some other robots are here and keep something that is very important. Or both look for the same thing. Robots punch each other in the face several times. One very big one climbs up a pyramid over an extended period of time for no obvious reason.

Sorry but I cannot be bothered to spend more effort on this sorry excuse for a plot. Whatever you think about the rest of the film, the plot is a very narrow bridge on which you are occassionally forced to climb from one set piece to the other. The risk is to fall off, i.e. to lose interest each time, which will happen if you more than 8 years old. If you are more than 12 years old, you will also lose interest during the set pieces, because as has been established before, Michael Bay is just not the director to present complex bits of action in a way that anybody without Down’s syndrome could follow. Somebody wrote that watching Transformers is like watching a little boy hit two Transformers toys against each other, shouting “bang”, “pow” and “argh”, plus 200 million dollars. Only more boring. I took 2 minutes to reflect on the moments of the film that I enjoyed, and came up with, one second, … er … no, sorry. The marine soldier leading that battle in the desert (or all of the battles in the deserts) was kind of attractive, maybe you have to give them that much credit. And I increasingly dislike Shia LeBeouf, who a couple of years ago I thought had some form of nice screen presence. I also think that Megan Fox is not pretty, which again you will realise if you are older than 8 years and manage to throw a look into her face.
In the words of the Great Ebert: “Those who think “Transformers” is a great or even a good film are, may I tactfully suggest, not sufficiently evolved.” Amen!

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