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Until I saw “Sucker Punch”, I thought “Pope Joan” certainly must be the worst film I will see this year. “Sucker Punch” takes “stunningly bad in a completely non-entertaining way” to a new level:

  • The worst actors and particularly actresses I have ever seen together in one film. These girls are utterly non-believable as anything, and in particular as action chicks. There is one scene where one of them has to throw a Molotow cocktail and man, can she not throw, this looks like a three year old girl at softball tryouts. They cannot say their ill-begotten lines, they cannot run or jump or throw, they certainly cannot hold a gun or sword… this inability is paired with poorest choreography, leading to boredom of a dimension hitherto unheard of in such a noisy movie, even giving Transformers 2 a run for its money.
  • The structural idea of having video game sequences as stand-in for dance scenes is just stupid to the umpteenth degree. “We need them get fighting somehow” – “how do we do that if they are in a mental hospital?” – “what if we make them think the hospital is a brothel and each girl has a dance and a dance is actually a fight scene that we can throw some cgi on.” – “what? Anyway, go ahead… “ à if you are producing movies, you can have such a meeting. If you ever have such a meeting, you must stand up, punch whoever came up with the idea in the face, and then tell them to just do a damn movie and stop hallucinating.
  • Who is older than 12 and still finds these girls’ outfit sexy? This is Disney grade sexiness, a toddler imitation of the girl-warrior sexy ferociousness depicted in films like “Sin City”.
  • An incredibly ill-chosen song that is covering all those fight-dance sequences and that at the second repetition is so annoying I actually wanted to put in my earplugs and listen to my own playlist.

If evidence was needed: Zack Snyder makes terrible movies, more pretentious and less entertaining than Uwe Boll, he has nothing to say aesthetically or otherwise. Can somebody please stop him filling the cinemas with his rubbish and blocking out real movies?

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