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I was seriously astonished to read the positive Tomatometer rating of this film, 79 per cent? A considerable majority of critics (acknowledged: no real critics reviewed the film in the first place…) thought this was a tense piece of horror, an atmospheric creation of terror by supposedly innocent children, a frightening variation on the motive of “Out in the cottage, and something’s coming for us”. What I was thinking after 20 minutes was “Goodness, this will be boring”. After 45 minutes I was about to turn it off, and I had if not for a case of Summer flu that left me too weak to reach for the kill switch. So I kept waiting for anything interesting to happen, and in vain. If you imagine a setting where some children turn violent against their parents for completely no reason other than that these parents are so boring and obnoxious that they apparently make the children’s DNA melt in revenge… then you can write the script for “The Children” in half an hour. It lives off the assumption that it’s more horrible when children use hatchets and knives against grown-ups than when this happens among teenagers. This is a misconception that already made “Children of the Corn” one of the most terrible and boring films ever. There is no build-up of tension, there is no “bomb under the table” (if the Master of Thrill will forgive me for abusing his concept in such a dumb setting), children come, stab, go. Come again, scratch, go. The grown-ups decide to stay and decide rather than just walk away and live, that’s their choice, really, I am not in a position to be judgmental about this. If a child with a pointy thing approaches me, however, with the stated intention to stab me in the eye, I would chose to hit that kid in the face and go somewhere else. No film to be made about that, of course, but all for the better…

No seriously, what a stupid film!

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